An update

by debi9kids on April 17, 2017

It’s been a while since I’ve updated.
I had a bit of a set-back where chemo was concerned and it had to be cut short.
I was having trouble tolerating the Taxol and was having really bad neuropathy in my hands and feet and ended up in the hospital twice with SVTS in the high 200’s (I don’t recommend this. The only way to get my heart rate normalized was to be given a drug that shocks the heart back into a normal sinus rhythm. Ouch!).

So, long story short, I’m done chemo.
My official last day was March 27th and it was a very emotional day that I was glad I was able to share with Hugh.
At the end of the final session my nurse handed me a quilt signed by the oncology nurses and then she had me read a poem on the wall.
And then I rang the bell…
It was incredibly emotional,
more than I was expecting.
And instead of being silly and ringing the bell with a goofy smile on my face,
I cried.

I haven’t cried much since I was diagnosed.
But I did cry ringing that bell.

Cancer is as scary as people make it out to be.
And it creeps into your mind and fears often when you don’t even have it.
When you do have cancer, you do your best to push it out of your mind and not give into the fears,
But it’s always there.

And now that chemo is done, the real fear is present…
When will it return?
Not if, but when?

And I’d love to say those fears aren’t mine, but I’d be lying.

My double mastectomy is scheduled for May 16th and between now and then I’m praying for clean margins,
no rogue cells,
for God to guide my surgeon’s hands,
and for peace of mind.

I’d appreciate your prayers too.


I don’t want to get my hopes up…

by debi9kids on February 8, 2017

It appears my hair might be growing back!

Now, I don’t want to get too excited.
A. It’s coming in VERY slowly.
B. Only about 40% of patients on Taxol have their hair grow back while on treatments.

But, it does look like it’s coming in.
In some spots.
And more special, some is snow white and some is super dark.
So, it’s very possible I may end up looking like Cruella DeVil when all is said and done.

Also, my head is very oddly shaped when photographing it from this angle, which makes me realize that this is what Hugh sees (since he’s about 10 inches taller than me) every time he looks down.
Clearly, very sexy.

However, considering I am dealing with every possible awful side effect that I could have while taking Taxol, if the bonus is that my hair comes back in in a funky colorful pattern, I’ll happily take it.
It definitely could be worse 😜


What would you do with it?

January 20, 2017

Lately I’ve kind-of been feeling like I just don’t care about certain things in life anymore and I think it’s p*ssing people off. They aren’t exactly saying that I’m angering them, but I can see it in their faces and honestly I’m definitely not in that fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of mood. I have cancer. And you […]

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Untitled. Because I can’t find the right words

January 18, 2017

I’d love to say I’m always positive, but the truth is, I’m definitely not. There are definitely moments, like tonight, where for no reason, I get pre-occupied with “why me?” Wasn’t it enough to have skin cancer? Twice? Or a cheating ex-husband that I forgave and took back after he got the woman pregnant only […]

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From the mouths of babes

January 16, 2017

Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes *My daughter Emma has decided to share some of her feelings about cancer. Please leave her comments and I will read them with her. PS I did edit for grammar and punctuation but left her words as […]

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The Next Step

January 9, 2017

I finished my first round of chemotherapy. Thank God! That Neulasta was abusive. The second round began today with an appointment with my oncologist where I had to sign papers approving the usage of Taxol and read through the 3 pages of probable and possible side effects. It makes a girl feel all warm and […]

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Graceful Resolve

December 31, 2016

I’ve never been one to make resolutions. I will, however, admit that I do try to be better than I was the previous year, which honestly, isn’t all that hard. I’m human, after all, and fail miserably at being the person God intends almost daily. I start out every day with good intentions and usually […]

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