I’ve sat for literally days thinking about how to share what it’s really like to have a mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction without sharing too much {read: scaring people who may soon endure the same hell}.

I decided to just tell my story the way it went down (or,  how I remember it.  Because,  I was on some seriously hefty drugs for the first few days).

Surgery was May 16th and the anxiety leading up to it was through the roof. I did my best to hide that I was freaking out inside but I’m pretty sure I was fooling no one.

We had to arrive at the hospital around 6am (it was my mom, Hugh, and I).
Unlike my previous surgeries (my lumpectomies), Fox Chase was quick to get me into pre-op, sign forms, get an IV started, say “good-bye” to mom and Hugh, and whisk me off for surgery.

Prior to going back, my surgeon told us he thought the surgery would take 6-8 hours, so mom and Hugh decided to stay at the hospital to be there when I woke up.

Honestly, after saying “good-bye” to them, I remember absolutely nothing until I woke up in the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
I’d been warned by friends who’ve experienced the same surgery that that the surgeons will start a patient off low on medication and increase as necessary.
They weren’t kidding.

My immediate first thought when I woke up (besides “holy crap this hurts!”) was of my dad. He’d experienced a double lung transplant in 2008 and the only “kind ” way to describe my dad as a patient is “asshole”.
My dad was a complete and total asshole to everyone at the hospital, including family members, because he was in such horrible pain.

So, without even opening my eyes, after my surgery (which latest 14 hours, not 6!), with mom and Hugh beside me, I said, “Now I know why dad was such an asshole after surgery. I’m going to be an asshole just like dad. ”

I was joking.
But I wasn’t.

And Hugh and mom pretty much didn’t know how to respond.

The nurse asked if I was in pain.
“Yes. Dear God. Yes!”
They told me to push the morphine button and I started to get sleepy and feel slightly better.

Mom and Hugh both kissed me goodbye after saying they loved me and they left for their long 2 hour ride home (I can’t even begin to imagine what an exhausting and emotional day they’d both had, sitting all those hours waiting, only to see me be a miserable asshole when I woke up).

I fell asleep.
Only to be woken up to a room full of nurses and doctors in a panic a few hours later.

To be continued…

{ 0 comments }

It’s so much harder than I imagined.

by debi9kids on June 4, 2017

  • I’ve always sort-of hated my body.
    I was too fat.
    Or too short.
    Or too ugly.
    My nose was too big.
    My boobs weren’t perky enough.
    My butt was too big or not muscular.
    My thighs never fit in pants properly [click to continue…]

{ 6 comments }

Cancer Free.

May 28, 2017

I’ve been home from the hospital for seven days. My surgery was 14 days ago, and while I’d love to say I’m feeling better with each passing day, the truth is that I’m feeling pretty lousy. There have been many days where I thought I should update but honestly I just haven’t had the energy. […]

Read the full article →

An update

April 17, 2017

It’s been a while since I’ve updated. I had a bit of a set-back where chemo was concerned and it had to be cut short. I was having trouble tolerating the Taxol and was having really bad neuropathy in my hands and feet and ended up in the hospital twice with SVTS in the high […]

Read the full article →

I don’t want to get my hopes up…

February 8, 2017

It appears my hair might be growing back! Now, I don’t want to get too excited. A. It’s coming in VERY slowly. B. Only about 40% of patients on Taxol have their hair grow back while on treatments. But, it does look like it’s coming in. In some spots. And more special, some is snow […]

Read the full article →

What would you do with it?

January 20, 2017

Lately I’ve kind-of been feeling like I just don’t care about certain things in life anymore and I think it’s p*ssing people off. They aren’t exactly saying that I’m angering them, but I can see it in their faces and honestly I’m definitely not in that fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of mood. I have cancer. And you […]

Read the full article →

Untitled. Because I can’t find the right words

January 18, 2017

I’d love to say I’m always positive, but the truth is, I’m definitely not. There are definitely moments, like tonight, where for no reason, I get pre-occupied with “why me?” Wasn’t it enough to have skin cancer? Twice? Or a cheating ex-husband that I forgave and took back after he got the woman pregnant only […]

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Read the full article →