To the “person” Carrying My Husband’s Baby

by debi9kids on August 30, 2010

Dear sweet stupid Tammy,

When I first heard from Russ that he cheated on me and that you were pregnant, I wanted to crawl into a hole. I can not explain in words the hurt, anger, betrayal I felt, especially when I found out IN FRONT of my children.

The more I talked to Russ, the angrier I have become.

When he told me that you googled me & have been reading my blog, I wanted to hide. Wanted to stop writing, close myself off so you wouldn’t know…. I wanted to keep my feelings, my life, my pain from you.

However, sweet Tammy, I can’t. This is my place to rant. To get out my feelings. My place to find my resolve.

And today, Tammy, I have found it.

I assume you thought when I heard you were pregnant that I was going to kick Russ out and he’d come running to you. To happily raise your baby together?
Dear sweet stupid Tammy.
Do you not realize what you’re up against?

Perhaps it might surprise you to find that I married Russ for Good or Bad.
In front of God.

Perhaps it might also surprise you to find that 21 years is a long time to invest in a relationship without at least trying to salvage it.

Now, I realize you KNEW he was married with 9 kids when you started your “relationship” and I realize it might not mean much to you. But, when it comes down to it, my kids are part of what forms my decisions and I will always do what is best for them and me.

I also realize that you don’t really understand what it means to be a decent parent, what with using your 13 year old daughter’s facebook to send me threatening emails (which I have saved). But, believe it or not, some people think of their children first and their sexual appetite second.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Tammy. I know Russ was a HUGE part of this. I know he used you. I know he paid you money for services rendered (not officially, but you know what I mean, don’t you Tammy???) He’s clearly not innocent and clearly should have come clean with me LONG ago.

But, the difference here Tammy is that once Russ did “come clean” he has been truthful with me and has told me EVERYTHING. (to the point of nausea)

And, Tammy, quite frankly, I have seen your texts to him and the fact that you are threatening to ruin MY LIFE if he doesn’t come to you….
Seriously Tammy?

Having 2 other children with 2 different fathers in your life… I would’ve thought you had learned by now. I mean, you’re old and haggard looking. I can see you’ve been through a lot. Surely, you know that threatening the wife won’t work.

And sweet, sweet Tammy, having your daughter call my cell phone and telling me that what you and my husband were doing was “none of my business”….
That is a BIG No No.


Tammy, you’re almost 40.
Surely you know that it’s a woman’s business to know who is sleeping with her husband.
Surely you know it’s my right to tell you not to call my phone again or I will get a restraining order against you.

Tammy, silly dear. You picked the wrong family.

As much as Russ has lost his way, as much as he has lost his faith, as much as he has betrayed our family….
The bottom line is: He’s My Husband. Not Yours.

You may have rocked the foundation of our home, but you have not destroyed it.

And sweet, sweet Tammy, I thank you.
Because, in the end, I know I will come out so much stronger than I ever thought possible.

PS For my readers, if you weren’t able to read between the lines, I will not be making my blog private. Clearly, I am consumed with grief right now and I am desperately trying to give my kids some normalcy and comfort (they are crushed).
I never thought I would ever have this be my life. I never thought my husband would ever betray me like this. I never thought he would look me in the eyes and lie and I certainly never thought he’d be having another child without me.
This is going to take every ounce of my being to survive. And every bit of faith I can find.
I have cried and prayed more than I ever thought possible and I have turned everything over to God.
It’s in His hands and the next step is for us to take that Leap of faith and then….
Just remember to breathe.

*Please know, your words & comfort mean the world to me. I am not sure how much I will be around to read or comment. My time and my focus HAS to be on my family first.
It’s just one more thing my husband and this woman have managed to ruin for me….

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Amber October 29, 2013 at 3:41 am

This just breaks my heart. I have been where you were, except the other woman didn't get pregnant. I had confronted the other woman 3 times.

It is absolutely crazy to me how some women have zero respect for themselves, than to seek out married men — especially men with large families!


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