I have always been an over-eater when it comes to sadness, depression or boredom. So, it has taken me completely off guard that I have zero desire to eat. I am not hungry and when I do eat, I have been getting sick to my stomach. I have actually gotten so bad that I have been leaving notes around the kitchen to remind myself to eat, because it just doesn’t cross my mind.
I am sure it is depression.
How can it not be?
I feel like I sit and do nothing all day long.
And, when I used to sit and do “nothing” in the evenings, after the kids went to bed, I used to at least snack, read blogs, talk on the phone, watch the news…. something.
Now… none of that.
My girlfriends have been calling to check up on me daily. (I suspect they have some sort of schedule because there has not been a day yet where someone hasn’t called me during the day and the evening). My mom, brothers and sisters are also all calling me all the time. Just to talk. And listen. And cry with me. And just tell me they love me.
And the emails, the facebook messages, direct messages on twitter and the comments on here have been amazing.
It helps. All of it. In a way I can not express.
I know I am depressed, but I know eventually I won’t be and it’s because of all of it.
I feel so surrounded by love even at my darkest moments.
I thank God so often for making sure I don’t feel alone, even when I do (if that makes sense).
Just know, your words, your love and the prayers especially help more than you will ever know.
They are lifting me up and holding me firm when I feel like I can’t stand any longer.
I have no doubts that God is hard at work in my life.
This first week is coming to an end.
The first week of my new life.
The life I never expected, certainly never wanted, but the one I have been given.
I know I could choose a different path if I wanted. I know it could be “easier”, if there really is such a thing.
But, I am 100% certain this is the path God wants me to take.
I can feel it in my heart.
Know it with my soul.
He is in control and I am following blindly.
And full of hope.
Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” ~ John 20:29