A Year Later.

by debi9kids on August 27, 2011

It seems a bit ironic that we are bracing for a hurricane on this date,

Of all dates.

A year ago, a storm began in my life that has been swelling around in our home, often with torrential rains and breath-taking winds, but also many times with a calm that could feel unsettling because we just knew the winds would blow again.

It was an uneasy rocking of the waves on a daily basis as we often struggled to tread the water without drowning.

All of us.

A year ago I discovered Russ was having an affair,

on this date,

exactly 365 days ago,

And it feels like a million years ago, but it also feels like yesterday.

The memories are as vivid today as they were a year ago, but somehow also seem to be clouding a bit. {I like to think that means: healing}

We’ve survived a year.

No.

Fought for this year.

Not fighting one another,

but fighting for one another.

Often against all odds.

And often without the support we always wanted or needed,

but we did it.

And we’re still standing,

Together.

And each day gets easier than the one before.

Of course, there are storms always brewing,

winds threatening to take the sail,

threatening to capsize our ship and leave us both overboard,

struggling to keep the other afloat.

But in any real marriage, there will always be storms,

some worse than others and all it takes is the willingness to work together.

That’s it.

All it takes.

Being on the same page,

and caring that you are,

and wanting all the things for the one you love because, well, you love them and knowing they want those things for you too.

Together.

A year later.

Last year, we were coming apart

and this year, we’re together.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Deborah May 7, 2012 at 7:22 am

One year and still standing!

It hurt so much, and there have been moments that I didn't think I could go forward, or even wanted too! I made a pact with myself and every Friday I ask can I take another week. If the answer were to be no then I've given myself permission to bail. .

What haunts me is that the person he became involved with was "my friend" we shared stories and secretes . Every time I think about conversations that we had and what they really meant – the "RAGE" floods back in. I have forgiven him. But not now or ever do I think I could forgive her for the unforgivable! It haunts me and tears at my insides. How she could do this and tell me she's sorry but "life's messy-move on"! The audacity of it!

So tonight I'm in the rabbit hole, tonight I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I'm lonely and afraid to have another friend. If this is what friends do to you. And I'm angry that she has suffered no consequences. I want to tell the whole world what she did, and at the same time I won't tell anyone. I don't want anyone to know how truly stupid I was.

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debi9kids May 7, 2012 at 7:54 am

I'm so sorry.
I get it. I really do.
I have forgiven my husband, but to forgive her, who shows no remorse, it just isn't possible. Not yet and I am almost 2 years out.
You aren't alone. Trust me. There are sadly lots of women who know this pain (& men as well) and lots of us who choose to stay and fight it out.
If you need to talk, please email me. You aren't alone. You can make friends. But you just learn to walk on eggshells…

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