Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus & too bad he can’t come down our chimney because our landlords care more about money than your safety

by debi9kids on November 14, 2011

My mom and I were walking around Boscov’s today and my stomach began to churn when I stepped into the holiday section and read the sign advertising how many days until Christmas – 43.
I want to throw up.

I am normally a very festive person.
I love the holiday season, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I get really into decorating and celebrating and just look forward to spending time with my family,
and the cookies. Lord. The cookies. How could I forget the cookies?

But, this year, things are so different
and I’m not feeling very festive.
As a matter of fact, I’m feeling very much the part of Scrooge
and I hate it.
It isn’t me but here I am, miserable that the holiday season is among us and although we have a roof over our heads, it isn’t our home.

And while I know my parents will decorate and do everything they can to make us all feel welcome, it still feels…
not like Christmas is 43 days away.

I walked through the store wanting so badly to feel full of happiness and instead, I was just…
For the first time in my life, as the season of hope approaches, I don’t feel hopeful.
Instead, I feel defeated.

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Kerry November 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I can relate….the last 2 years of Thanksgiving week have not been very kind to us. My daughter was in a serious car accident in 2009, she has recovered and last year my FIL had a heart attack and required quindrupe heart surgery. Thankfully he has recovered as well. This year I find myself feeling anxious instead of excited for next week.


debi9kids November 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I hear you! Between the affair, then finding out about the baby, then the house & our van, I'm left feeling very… anxious and just plain old tired of being "kicked in the teeth".
Here's praying that things start to look up for both of us (I say praying because Lord knows, I need the prayers.)


Jessica November 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Just because you "should" be happy that you have a roof over your head, doesn't mean you can't feel just a little (or a lot) sad that it is not your own roof….good luck my friend & I hope the holidays do bring you and your family some much deserved joy.


debi9kids November 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Thank you, friend.
I feel so incredibly guilty for not being able to feel happy (which in turn just makes me feel worse. ugh)


mum-me November 14, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I kinda know, a bit, what you mean. It doesn't feel like Christmas unless you're home ….. for me anyway. That's why when we moved away from our family (when HB joined the army) I always strenuously resisted any pressure from MIL and my mum to come and spend Christmas with them. I wanted my children to enjoy the build up to Christmas, decorating, baking, etc in their own home and I wanted them to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning and go to our own church etc….

So sorry you find yourself in this situation. I hope that as Christmas draws closer you will start to feel a bit more of the spirit of joy. God bless.


lesa November 14, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I just want to give you a hug through the computer. I am trying this year to make an effort to decorate and actually care about the holidays, which is why my house is a stop on the Holly Trail. You would think that being the area's resident cheerleader and toy store owner that I would be all over this time of year. Truth is, I gave up on the holidays a long time ago.

I hate that all of this is happening to you guys. You seem like such a caring and giving person. You have a wonderful family. I wish I had something better to say, but I guess I don't. However, if you ever need a friend, I am close by, and I do mean that!


Christy November 15, 2011 at 2:29 am

Praying for you Debi. I can't say I would feel any different than you, in your situation. You have so many people that love for you and pray for you that I KNOW things have to turn around for you soon!

Love you!


Trish November 15, 2011 at 6:38 am

I can relate. My husband and I were living with my folks last holiday season. It was hard, but there were so many wonderful things about it too. Like the fact that we had family to live with when it could have been so much worse. I don't need to tell you there is so much to be grateful for. You already know that. But you have to feel your feelings too, or else they will take over.

Big hugs. I hope you have a wonderful, magical holiday despite life's hardships.


Jen November 15, 2011 at 9:50 am

Don't worry. Christmas is a time of miracles and I know that you will get one.


Galit Breen November 15, 2011 at 11:21 am

I'm so very sorry. My good thoughts are with you.


cat@juggling act November 15, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Praying that you will feel better soon – and yes Jen, it is the season of miracles.


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