such is the life of autism

by debi9kids on November 30, 2011

I just finished watching the most recent episode of Parenthood after being warned by my friend Kristin of The Life & Times of Us not to watch it because it would hit too close to home…

She was right,
on the hitting home part.

After crying until the show ended, I knew I wanted to share something,
something I generally share only with my very closest friends and family,
for fear of judgement…

Kids with autism are selfish,
Not because they want to be, but because they generally don’t know any other way to be.

And it’s a tough pill to swallow and even tougher to admit.
No one wants to think of their child as self-centered, let alone readily admit that their child’s entire universe is based solely on their own happiness.
But, such is the life of autism.

And, as a mommy to an autistic child, we buy right into it.
Out of desperation.

I’ll admit.
I will do anything for Will,
for his happiness.
Because who would want to see their child closed-off, in his own world,

Not me.
Or anyone else who is blessed enough to share in Will’s World.

So, we jump through hoops,
walk through fire,
go to the ends of the earth just to see him smile.

Because there is nothing more priceless.

And it’s hard on us all to live like this every day,
thinking first of Will and second of ourselves.
Because sometimes we want the world to be about us too.
(especially Will’s brothers & sisters)
And we get jealous,
and tired,
and just want autism to stop,
Just for one day,
knowing it never will.

And, sometimes that reality gets the better of us.
We’re human.
And although we have all come to accept Will’s diagnosis, the full-blown reality some days, when you just want to sit down and watch TV without worrying if the doors are locked,
if every alarm is set,
if Will is secure in his room…
sometimes it’s just hard not to wish for once that life didn’t revolve around Will every second of the day.

Of course, those moments are quickly replaced with joy like nothing you’ve ever known before when he suddenly, out of no-where, comes over to you, nuzzles your face and says…
“I love you.”
And you remember why you feel so blessed to know autism,
Because those teeny, tiny moments sustain you,
more than you ever dreamed possible.

Joining in with 7 Clown Circus , Lolli and Parenting by Dummies for Wordful Wednesday

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