Don’t answer that.
I actually know the answer.
I really don’t feel that old.
Honestly, I don’t feel a day over 26 (because how can all these years have gone by???) and frankly, I know I don’t really look older than my mid-30’s.
So, the number really shouldn’t matter.
It never really did matter, although I’ll be honest and say that turning 26 was traumatic for me (because I was closer to 30???).
I started “life” early and “had” my first baby via foster care by the time I was 21 (and he was already 10 months old).
So, in theory, I should feel like a young, hip mom to have kids in high-school and I only just turned 40.
So, why don’t I???
A stupid little thing called infidelity.
It messes with your head and makes you feel…
(even if she is older than I am)
And even if he reassures me that he always found me more beautiful inside and out…
it doesn’t matter.
Because infidelity screws with confidence
and makes it extremely hard to turn 40 and feel…
I can (and do) put on make-up.
I dress nicer than I used to because I guess somewhere in my pre-infidelity world I thought I had to look like a mom if I was a mom.
Now, I don’t so much look like a mom,
but I am very careful not to look like a mom trying not to look like a mom.
(if you know what I mean…)
I know I look young and I’m working on feeling young
or, at least
Quite frankly, the past 2 years have kicked my butt
and some days I am amazed I’m not an alcoholic or catatonic.
Some days, I am impressed that my hair hasn’t greyed, my face hasn’t wrinkled and I haven’t gained 50 pounds.
it’ll kill you,
if you let it.
And, turning 40,
it was just one of those things I let stress me out,
for no reason other than it was just one more crappy thing thrown on my plate.
as you might be aware…
revenge is a dish best served warm and the best revenge I can think of is to be
forty & fabulous…
and I so plan on workin’ it like it’s nobody’s business 😉