As much as I have “come to terms” with Will’s diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still have my moments when it just really hurts.
Last week, I attended an open house for kindergarten for Emma at a local charter school and felt my heart sink a little.
This week I attended Will’s IEP for his “kindergarten plan” and I left crying.
And, honestly, not all that much was discussed, aside from listening to Will’s pre-k teachers talk about what a happy little guy my son is.This, I know 😉 They talked about how he sings lots of songs for them, how sweet his voice is, how much he’s started talking, his silly “stories” he tells, and how much he’s grown since they first started working with him.All things I know and love about Will and things I’m so pleased to see happening… things I never thought he’d ever accomplish.And while the focus at first was about all of the wonderful things Will is now doing, it quickly turned to a list of the things that he isn’t.
And a list of tests that need to be run.
And the need to determine who best can meet his extensive (their words) needs.And it’s just hard to hear,
because I spend so much time focusing on the positive,
focusing on all of the things that make me thankful for the child that Will is….and not think about the child that he’s not.
The bottom line is that I’m not sure what is right for Will in school right now.
But I do know my head,
hurt thinking about making the wrong choice.
It’s a huge process,
a huge decision,
one not made lightly.
And, so, I cried.
I cried telling them that it’s most important to me that the person who cares for him outside of my home needs to love their job,
needs to love teaching special needs children,
and needs to understand that Will has autism, autism does not have Will.I think they got it.
Time will tell…
(and I’ll be watching like a hawk)