those who judge the least, are judged the most

by debi9kids on May 24, 2012

You know, after this week, I have had these thoughts swirling around in my head that I just feel need to be said.

I’ve sat in the evenings just allowing the post to write itself (in my head).
And, to be honest, these are thoughts I have had for a very long time.

Most people who know me well know that I am far from politically correct.
As much as I am a conservative, I don’t necessarily fit into a neat little box of political agenda. And a lot of that comes from being the mother of adoptive children, having been a foster parent, and now parenting more than one disabled child.
It changes perspective.

And, I guess that is where I am frustrated.

My whole life I have been exposed to diversity and accept it as normal. I had friends growing up who were from different faiths, different races, were homosexual, and disabled. And there was never a single moment in my life that I felt superior.
Not one.

A while ago I wrote about a little girl named Amelia who was denied a transplant at Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia just based on her abilities.
Then, recently, I wrote about a little boy named Akian whose dad was forced to put a wire on his autistic son because he was certain his son was being mistreated at school.
He was.

The other day, I was reading an article about a mother who was banned from Facebook for showing photos of her terminally ill son that were taken just hours before he passed way.
The photos were removed because they were considered to be “inappropriate content”.

Are we really still in this place?!?
Children with disabilities are considered inappropriate content.
How sad.

Society has come so far with accepting homosexuality and bridging the gap within the racial divide.
We accept people of all religions and yet, the most innocent of our society, those who not only wouldn’t dream of passing judgement but can’t even grasp the idea are still treated as outsiders.
Or worse.
As subpar.

Of course, we parents have done our best to advocate and thankfully, we have come far.
It wasn’t too long ago that children born with Down Syndrome or Autism or retardation were taken from their parents at birth (if the pregnancy wasn’t terminated) and placed in institutions.
For life.
And their lives were sad, and lonely, and brief.

But, it is sad to think that as far as acceptance goes, those born with disabilities are still seen as not worthy of life (as shown by CHOP’s behavior), subject for ridicule (as evidenced by the teachers in NJ who tortured a defenseless child), considered annoying and bratty (as shown by the treatment Will received while in the store with me) and the worst, considered “inappropriate content” (quoting Facebook).

That kills me.

Because I think that no matter the amount of advocating we seem to do, those whose lives are not fortunate enough to be touched by these amazing blessings will just never understand.
I fear they will always see “different” and never see beyond their own judgements.

It’s a sad day as a parent when I realize that all the advocating in the world will not change those whose hearts and minds are filled with condescension and I am forced to wear a tshirt explaining my son just to get people to back off.

I should.not. have to.disclose to anyone that my son has autism unless I want to.
If I have to explain my son to be accepted, its only fair that people who use drugs, sleep around, drink excessively, lie, cheat, or are plain old dishonest or judgemental should have to do the same.
Don’t you think?

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Joy May 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

Bravo! I wholeheartedly agree. And as a Christian, it's even more painful from that standpoint to see the hate, injustice, and just plain ignorance exude from people towards our children. I do wear a t-shirt everywhere I go with my Boogie (when I know we're going out) and it really is sad that I need to do so to have a semblance of acceptance. Not real acceptance, of course. But enough to rethink their bad attitudes about how my son is stimming, or talking too loudly, or screeching, or JUST PLAIN BEING A KID. I've had the wonderful opportunity twice to help another Mama in need with a child that was in meltdown mode… I paved the way for them and carried their belongings while they had their hands full (literally) with their child attempting to get to their (respective) cars. It felt so good to be able to show love to someone- a complete stranger- and ease that situation just a bit. And it hurts because I have yet to have a stranger help me, much less, be kind to me when the roles are reversed. Love, just love is missing from our everyday lives with each other. If the person making the final decision at CHOP had the same decision to make for their own child, the outcome would have been VERY different. The same goes for the NJ teachers, Facebook, and the situation you had to endure… if they would take a moment and imagine their child in that same situation, it would be seen through very different eyes. ((Hugs)) to you! <3


Tracey May 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

ya know, I kind of just want to stand up and applaud you right now! While I am sorry you have gone through this, I am not sorry to read how you handled it. You are exactly the Mom that Will needs. A mom who won't take anyone's crap directed at their kid!!! Ya for you.


debi9kids May 24, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Thank you Tracey. That means a lot to me.

I hope that Will feels as blessed as I do 🙂


Mama D.s Dozen May 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

So. So. Sad.

But … even more sad is the fact that because of the acute distaste for anyone "disabled", women (and their husbands) are making the choice to KILL their disabled children before they are even born.

While there is a bit more acceptance for children with Downs, there are much fewer Downs children because they are all being KILLED . . . not even given a chance to take their first breath.

I just read an article this week about a woman and her husband who made the choice to KILL their unborn child with spina-bifida. They said it was the "nicest" thing that they could do for their child, since their doctor had told them the child wouldn't be able to walk. That's it. A diagnosis of "can't walk" and it is time to kill the baby. This is SCARY!!!

So sorry for what you have had to deal with this week (and in your ongoing daily life). Clearly, a society that wants to KILL children like your precious Will, are not going to have much acceptance for him at the grocery store. Breaks. My. Heart.



Dawn Wright May 24, 2012 at 3:31 pm

OYE!!!! I totally AGREE!!!!!!! Seriously for a society that "thinks" we are sooo advanced it seems we have a LLLOOOOONNNGGGGG way to go!!!


debi9kids May 24, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Itis.honestly heartbreaking to realize how far we need to go to get our children to be treated fairly,et alone equally.

Very sad.


Heather May 24, 2012 at 4:19 pm

It's been a hard couple of weeks for me as well because of the same kind of thing (being judged for NOT judging) and girl, your post made me cry. I needed it. God knew I needed it. Thank you. 🙂

You know, where along the way did we miss the verse "LOVE ONE ANOTHER"?!?! It's so sad. 🙁


LisaDay May 28, 2012 at 4:27 am

People are harsh, judgmental and always have an opinion, that is until they live it and realize they have been harsh, judgmental and obviously don't know what it is best. Telling the world about a child and allowing people to see a child is just a child is always helpful. Congrats to you and to others for being an advocate.



cat@jugglingact May 29, 2012 at 5:52 am

10/10 my friend! SO very well said! In SOuth Africa we have come a very long way .


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