Tags
1st Day of School, Emma, feelings, kindergarten, milestones, school, Will, Wordful
*full disclosure: This is just a bit of a ramble 
Two days ago my middle 6 kids started school.
While I have “prepped” myself for days and days that it was going to be a hard day, nothing really prepared me for just how hard.
I knew it would be hard getting Emma up and ready for school;
knew it would be difficult that she was going into a Montessori-type charter school to attend kindergarten and Will
wasn’t.
I knew it would be an emotional day.
In one instance, I am so completely and totally proud of Emma and am excited that she is growing up and starting kindergarten.
In the other instance, it breaks my heart to know my twins aren’t going to attend school together.
Oh how I wish they were…
And as the kids all got ready for school, I braced myself.
I guarded my heart and snapped pictures, keeping my smile, but breaking on the inside.
And it wasn’t just knowing Emma was starting kindergarten, but knowing that two of my kids graduated last year and Gabi is beginning her senior year…
I’ve just slowly but surely felt myself slipping into a mid-life crisis of sorts.
My life has been about taking care of my babies day in and day out for 18 years and for the first time in 18 years, my babies will all be out of the house. (including Will, but not until next week)
I will admit, I love that Emma was so excited about school.
It made it easier for me to see her off and not break down crying until I got home.
And it does truly help that she is in school with Keith, 
But, oh, how I wish Will was there too.
And I do realize it’s my own “hang-up”,
it’s just one more hurdle my heart needs to make,
one more stage of autism I need to accept and just…
move on.
Joining in with 7 Clown Circus , Lolli and Parenting by Dummies for Wordful Wednesday and Sarah Halstead & 5 Minutes for Mom for Wordless Wednesday
PS Don’t forget to enter my Caption Contest. $25 Gift Card to the winner.
hugs Debi, trust me I can relate in a different way, but I still “get it”
thanks friend <3
Nate started college last week. I hate seeing the fear and uncertainty he has in new situations. Yes he is 18 but in many ways he is not 18. Smart as a whip for college work but I worry what happens after college. Socially he struggles so hard even after counseling. Many think I baby him, I just try and be there for him.
I understand and please don’t beat yourself up. You are allowed your boo-hoo days. You need them. It just stinks to have an idea of how life will go with your kids and the next thing you know, you’re on a detour road. I get it. I know. Feel free to sit in it and wallow for a bit…just don’t put yourself back in the hospital!
We’re all here when you’re ready to get back up and you find where you fit into this new adventure. By the way, if you don’t mind me asking; why did you choose not to put Will in the Montessori charter? I have been putting Javin on the lottery list for our local Montessori charter because I think the structure will do well for him. Just wondering what thoughts you had on the subject…I definitely worry about him in public school but that’s our only option at the moment…
Umm, I never finished my sentence!
**I have been putting Javin on the lottery list for the past three years…
Thanks Joy. I always feel guilty for not being 1000% on board with everything autism. Ya know?
As for Will in Emma’s school… He is just not high enough functioning. He’s only about on an 18 month old level.
He will be attending a private school run by the Catholic church . It’s a fantastic program and they waived the fees. Only 4 kids in his class and 6 teachers.
I’m sorry that reality doesn’t look quite like you envisioned it, but it’s still pretty darn good. And wow, those smiles of excitement are contagious!
Thanks. They are, aren’t they?
Awwww! It must be a major bittersweet time of year for you, especially this year. ((HUGZ!!))
First Day of Fourth Grade
I dread the day I have no one home with me. My guys start next week, but it’s only an hour a day, a couple days a week. Plus I am pregnant- so it’s not like I am really alone. I guess I don’t know who I am outside of being a mom…
That’s just it, I think. I totally identify myself as a mom.
Who am I beyond that? I have no clue
Oh Debi, you are totally entitled to your feelings.
Is Will going to St. Joe’s? I had a job interview there a long time ago. Although I didn’t get the job, the school and the staff made a great impression on me. The staff just did a great job with the kids and seemed to really care about them. The day i was there, they were doing the stations of the cross with the kids. All of the kids were included, not a one was left out.
Sometimes it is hard to let go of the way you thought things would go, and accept the way things are. Believe me, I deal with the same types of realizations and it is not easy.
I was just thinking how chaotic it must be too get all your kids out the door…..:)
honestly, it isn’t too bad. My 2 highschoolers are out the door by 7. My 2 middle schoolers leave around 8. And I drop off the youngest 3 between 8:15 (Will) and 8:30 (Emma & Keith).
The chaotic part is after dinner.
I hope they all had a great first day and that once things settle in, you’ll feel better about it all. I know those thoughts and feelings are always with you but hopefully both Will and Emma are in places that are best meeting their needs and helping them to grow and be happy children!
hang in there, mama!
Lovely photos! You know that I have an idea how you feel about Emma and Will – in fact, I do not know if you had a chance to read my blog lately but we now have to send L to the school for an evaluation – in a strange environment, strange people. He will not function optimally. post (http://juggelingactoflife.blogspot.com/2012/08/keep-calm-deep-breath.html). We are fighting to have them together so I am really praying for the best. And password please?
Well, I’ve seen on instagram and it sure seems like he’s loving his school and his teachers are awesome. It’s different, but it’s awesome he’s got those opportunities, too.