changing our marriage, one bead at a time

by debi9kids on September 29, 2012

I’ve hinted at a change in our marriage, or better, a change in our sex life, and now the time has come to spill the beans.
Or beads, as it were.
Because, in fact, we are using 40 Beads to change our lives.

Shortly after I complained about the lack of intimacy in our marriage, my friend Melisa suggested the book Forty Beads: the Simple Sexy Secret For Transforming Your Marriage and while I was skeptical, I was also desperate and I immediately downloaded it to my kindle.
It read like a good conversation. I genuinely felt like the author, Carolyn Evans, was a good friend and we were having one of those juicy conversations that you can only enjoy with someone you really trust (while drinking a good glass of wine, of course).
But more than just finding it easy to read, I found myself stopping mid-sentence and figuratively slapping myself in the head with I-can’t-believe-I-never-thought -about-sex-like-that moments.
This book genuinely puts sex into the most simple terms:
men want to feel wanted and women want anticipation and romance.

The beads make that happen.
I could sit and describe the book for you,
tell you how Russ and I have used the beads,
and what it means to me when I see a bead in my bowl,
but Carolyn Evans does a far better job describing how it will change your life .

I will say, it has genuinely brought back passion to our marriage.
It has given Russ the ability to tell me what he wants without fear of rejection
and honestly, after his affair, he was having a difficult time doing this.
He didn’t feel like he had a right to ask because he didn’t think he deserved me and was certain I would reject him.
And although that wasn’t the case, I could not reassure him enough and now, by handing him the beads, I have done it.
He is assured.
He knows I want him and there is no question,
no doubt,
that when he gives me a bead,
I will not reject him.
And for me,
because it isn’t all about Russ,
the beads not only let me know that he truly and genuinely wants me,
but it lets me know he was thinking of me and allows the anticipation to build and grow…

It has taken us back to how it was when we first were married.
The excitement we used to have that was long replaced by children & bills is back.
When I walk into my room and see that bead sitting in the bowl, my pulse quickens and the planning begins.
And while I spend the day doing my normal daily routine, I’m thinking about Russ and when we can be together.
And while he spends his day doing his normal routine,
he’s doing the same thing,
thinking about us.

And just like that…
we have made one another important to each other again.
We have made our marriage important,
as it should be.

I know some people will think I am crazy.
I know this book and the bead method isn’t for everyone.
As a matter of fact, the Carolyn Evans flat-out says the same thing.
But, I do know, if you are committed to changing your marriage and you want it to be at the forefront of your life rather than the last item on your list,
the Forty Beads are for you.

And bonus!
I am giving one book and the Forty Beads kit away.I was personally given this book and kit by Carolyn Evans and I would love to pass it on to one of you and hear how it changes your marriage too.

To enter to win the book and kit:
For one entry: Leave me a comment describing your worst date ever. Be sure to leave your email address so that I can contact you if you win. (OrΒ  for 10 points, write a blog post about your worst date and leave me the link in my comments.)
5 additional entries: Tweet about this giveaway (and leave me a comment letting me know)
5 additional entries: Follow Carolyn Evans on Facebook and be sure to let me know.
1 bonus entry: Follow me on Facebook
Winner will be announced on October 9th.
Good luck and Happy Beading!

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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

Beth Zimmerman September 29, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Worst date ever? I was stood up! End of story. =) I guess I really should let it go! LOL!


debi9kids September 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

yes. That would be the worst!


Beth Zimmerman September 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm

followed Carolyn =)


Life with Kaishon September 29, 2012 at 5:29 pm

It sounds wonderful Deb! I am so happy for you.


Beth Zimmerman September 29, 2012 at 5:29 pm


and I already like you …. twice I think! =)


Life with Kaishon September 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm

My worst date ever?

I didn't really date too much. No one ever wanted to go out with me : (

I guess my worst date was one when I made a whole special picnic for a guy and he didn't even want to get out of the car.

I tweeted for you.


debi9kids September 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Oh that stinks!
Nothing like going to the trouble for nothing.


Kari September 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Let's just say the last year of my marriage has stunk! I've been looking forward to your "secret" to help!!

I already follow you on FB and I've tweeted this! And I will follow Carolyn Evans.


debi9kids September 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I'm so sorry Kari. I hear ya and I get it. Sadly.
Trust me. This will change your marriage.
So simply and easily.


Kari October 1, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I just want to say that I started reading the book on my Kindle and I'm going to introduce it to my husband tonight! It's our 6 year anniversary at the end of the month. It'll be our "40 days" to each other! Do you suggest my husband read it as well?


debi9kids October 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I would say he could, but maybe after you finish reading it and have given him the beads, that way he gets the full excitement/ gives you the reaction you desire.
You could try just hinting around to him tonite and say," I have something really awesome I am going to be giving you soon and it is going to change our sex life forever." and leave it at that. (that will get him excited tonite and excited for what's to come)


Heather September 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Don't tell my husband but the worst date ever was before we were married – the evening we drove around for 2 stinking hours trying to figure out what to do for a date. "I don't know, what do you want to do?" All I really wanted was for him to use his brain and have a plan. THEN, he had to ask me for $10 because he didn't have money for gas. It was obviously love because I can't believe I put up with that.


debi9kids September 29, 2012 at 6:09 pm

LOL Heather.
Russ and I have been on that exact date.


Kari September 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Can I get your password?


Kelly Raudenbush September 29, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Worst date ever….my dad had 4 tickets for an Orioles game. So, he had a friend to take with him and he asked me if we could have some fun with the other 2 tickets. There was a guy who kept asking me out who was in school to be an athletic trainer, so he was a big sports fan. I asked him if he wanted to go to the O's game with me, not telling him that my dad and his buddy had the two seats next to us. We drove separately, sat next to my dad…right next to him…and didn't say anything until a couple innings in when my dad started harassing him a bit. We only let it go a few minutes and then told him the scoop. But, it was hilarious – at least my dad and I thought so. Guess that wasn't really MY worst date ever…maybe I should find the guy and ask him if he'd like to enter this giveaway. (does this long detailed story get me extra entries???)


Kelly Raudenbush September 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I like your FB page. πŸ™‚


Lisa September 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Wow…just what we need too.

Sadly I feel like he's slipping through my fingers.

thanks for this


Nancy September 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Worst dates, wow been on a few, hard to decide which was the worst. It could have been a blind date I went on at William and Mary when I was visiting there, the guy didn't say ONE word the whole night. Now I know I'm a chatterbox but… And then there was a minister I met when I was a freshman in college. He invited me out to dinner and dancing–seems the only dance he was interested in was in his apt. where the entire apt consisted of a bed and a refrig.–and he was planning of feeding me FROZEN PIZZA and … dessert (that was not in the refrigerator.) Or the frat party I went to (this doesn't really count as a date,) just a DUMB guy who in his ignorance tried to talk me into going upstairs with him by saying (you have to imagine this) in a heavy Georgia accent, the guy drawled: Ah come on honey, it'll only take five minutes! OK, I admit, I laughed in his face… five minutes…PLEASE! Five minutes? I may not have been experienced but wow, itchy trigger finger!


Laurel September 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Does a weekend away with my hubby count? The whole weekend was a comedy of errors . . .

#1 wi-fi in our room didn't work (said it was because we had a mac computer)

#2 Restaurant we had researched to go to . . . was closed on a Friday night.

#3 While taking a shower . . .covered in shampoo . . . water line in the hotel broke. (Hubby was in the lobby using their wi-fi.) I called him to say "we have a problem here". They clerk said it could be hours before the water was restored, so they sent him up to the room with a bucket of water for me to rinse with.

#4 Let's change plans . . . we headed to a "nice little town that is full of cute shops" . . . every shop was CLOSED because it was a Monday Holiday. Huh? Don't tourists come to town to shop on holidays?

#5 Had to take a ferry ride to get to another town that might have a hotel with water, and stores that were open on the holiday.

NOT a fun and relaxing weekend away (which we only get every couple of years).

I think this book might be a good thing for our marriage. We are on a "good path" . . . moving forward after a 2 year crisis . . . but this might help us to add the spark back (or next week's trip to Puerto Rico by OURSELVES might help too . . . praying the hotel has water and wi-fi).

Thanks for sharing.


mama of 12


CP September 30, 2012 at 4:28 am

Worst date, hmmm…I had this guy friend who was a roofer and I had asked him if he had some spare time if he could look at my house/garage roofs after a recent hail storm and let me know if there was damage and also an estimate for replacing. I get a text from him saying let's discuss it tomorrow at lunc at a restaurant. So we are out talking BS like we do and I ask him about the roof. He give me a price, then goes on to say he could drop the price significantly if we went to his place for a "workout." I guess he thought we were on a date and me asking him to work on my house was an invitation to work on each other…unbeknownst to me. Also had a date in college where we were meeting at a bar. The guy was trying to be all macho and out drink me and was close to being passed out after one beer and one shot. He must've blacked out too because the next day he called me and was trying to convince me he had to carry me home and how great of a guy he had been. Considering I called my friends and finished the night out with them, I don't think he remembered too much from that night.


norma September 30, 2012 at 4:43 am

When I was 18 I went to watch a movie with a guy (age 20-22)from work at his house he said he was hungry so he got a sandwich then sat on couch and took his false teeth out sitting them on the couch arm while eating ugh, I feel asleep and my phone didnt have reception and my girlfriend got worried and came to find me bc I had shown her the address I was given she happen to bring my other friend who just got home from washington so when they showed up we were jumping up and down hugging like little girls lol bc we hadnt seen each other in forever I ended up leaving with them end of date opps lol but then he spread a rumor at work I had slept with him ugh luckily a couple of older guys set his butt strait that one they knew he was lying and two it wasnt work appropriate.


Joey Fortman September 30, 2012 at 6:08 am

Um. Worst date ever??? How about the fact that the last 4 birthday have been MISERABLE for me. My husband took me to Cracker Barrel… a baseball game… his work event.. and NOTHING.

I know deep down he is a really good guy. But we're struggling. BAD.

oxoxo Great to hear your doing good Deb!


Joey Fortman September 30, 2012 at 6:09 am

I tweeted, friend!


Steph {confessions o September 30, 2012 at 6:13 am

Oh goodness. This would revolutionize our marriage in a MUCH needed way! Worst date: early on in our relationship, my (now) husband tried to take me to dinner and dancing. The drive was 45 minutes away – but I was so nervous and anxious about everything I couldn't bring myself to dance and we left! I feel so bad because he tried to hard to impress me but my emotions and self-confidence got in the way. We eventually fell in love and got married though πŸ™‚


Cindy September 30, 2012 at 12:27 pm

My worst date was more of a group outing with my boyfriend (now husband) and his friends for someone's 21st birthday. The night was fine until we left a club somewhere in Atlantic City and some of the guys got into a fight with the bouncers. One of them got punched in the nose and was bleeding all over the place. Of course, he sat down next to me on the jitney bus we rented. Blood covered me from my shoulder all the way down to my boots. I was horrified. WORST. DATE. EVER.

But, my boyfriend (husband) completely agreed with me and made it up to me many, many times afterwards with great dates. πŸ™‚


Elle September 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm

My worst date ever wasn't really due to the date itself, but the events leading up to it. My boyfriend (now husband) was held up at work and we agreed that I would meet him at his apartment, which he shared with two roommates. I arrived first to find the roommates and some random girl sitting on the couch, watching a movie…naked. Like, a normal movie (I think it was "Evolution" with David Duchovny), nothing untoward going on (aside from the nudity, of course). So I had two choices: act mortified and run out, or take it in stride. When my boyfriend arrived, he found me seated on the couch, fully clothed, surrounded by nudists. To be honest, I don't even remember the date itself!


Diane September 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

My worst date ever…hmmm, was it the one where the guy showed up in dirty clothes because he forgot to do his laundry, or the one where the guy barely spoke to me because "I scared him?" Thankfully my dates with my husband pre-marriage were great!


Michelle Wolfson September 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Worst date ever had to be when at the end of the date, I caught my drunk date and my drunker (former) friend kissing. Yes, you can all stop now, I know I win.


debi9kids October 1, 2012 at 6:50 am

Yikes! That's terrible. Good to hear she's a former. Who does that to a friend???


Char October 1, 2012 at 5:31 am

I am a follower of Carolyn Evans on facebook. My worst date I am so embrassed to say this, but I had gas and he heard it.


debi9kids October 1, 2012 at 6:49 am

Lol. That is embarrassing! And would make it awful.


Alexia @ Babies &amp October 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Boy do my husband and I need this. Sex is like an obligation at this point, and the romance is gone.

Worst date ever? A first date set-up we decided to go for dinner and a movie. At dinner the guy was outright rude and insulting with the waitress and left her a $1 tip on a $80 bill. Then we saw the movie 'Eyes Wide Shut' and not only did he attempt to grope me in the theater but kept telling me how hot he thought the naked women in the film were and how he couldn't wait to see if my "t*&s looked just like that". I was so disgusted and disturbed I left the movie to go to the bathroom and called my sister to come pick me up.


debi9kids October 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

wow. That IS a terrible date. LORD!
Sometimes I really wonder what the heck parents are doing that they raise a son like that?!?


Alexia @ Babies &amp October 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Following you on Facebook.


Alexia @ Babies &amp October 3, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Following Carolyn Evans too.


Kay October 4, 2012 at 7:01 am

My worst date was when I was taken to dinner and when the check came he asked if we could go dutch. Yeah, that was the end of him. He asked me out! If he didn't have any money, he shouldn't have asked! Oh well, I found a great man later. We could definitely use this book. I went through a situation kind of similar to yours. Long story. I enjoy reading your blog and I would like to read the ones that are password protected. I connect with you on some things.

I also passed your blog along to someone that has a child with autism. She is really struggling with his behavior and I don't know what to do to help her. Sorry this is long.

I have also "liked" you on facebook and Carolyn Evans as well.


Jennifer Lumsdon October 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

I would love to write a funny or pathetic story about the worst date ever, but I honestly cannot remember any. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids, the youngest of which has autism. In so many ways I feel like I have had a lobotomy because I can't remember much before the kids … and we really haven't had a "date" since then. We have never lived near family so we've been on our own. Maybe the worst date ever is NO date? LOL

I liked you on facebook as well as Carolyn Evans. I would love try the book … our love live doesn't even exist anymore. We are more like roommates at this point. Most of the time, John sleeps in my son's room because he wakes up screaming so often (Gabe – my 4 year old autistic son). I snuggle with my dogs. πŸ™‚


debi9kids October 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Congratulations Jennifer! You were just chosen by as the winner in my 40 Bead Give-away.

Please email me privately with your address so I can get the book and kit off to you.

So happy for you!


whosays8isenough @ gmail . com


Rachel October 7, 2012 at 4:03 am

My worst date ever was the blind date set up by a work acquaintance with her cousin… Who turned out to be MY cousin too (different sides of the families– the co-worker isn't related to me!). We live in a small town, and it never occurred to me to ask his last name. You can bet I never made that mistake again! We still get teased at family gatherings over that one!

I also liked you on Facebook! Love your blog!


cindy October 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

i already follow yiu on facebook…..worst dat ever was our first! it was to my homecoming my junior year…my now husbamd got cussed out by two girls one an ex that he never officially broke up with and another psycho that has stalked him all his life lol


Megan October 8, 2012 at 5:15 pm

My worst date was during a time when Kyle and i had broken up for a short while. It was basically so bad becayse I talked about Kyle one too many times and it totally turned him of from me so he never called me again. What made it even worse was that he was my supervisors son. So embarrassing!


Megan October 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I follow you on fb.


Dawn Wright October 10, 2012 at 6:50 am

Seriously ordering this!!! πŸ™‚ THANK YOU!


debi9kids October 15, 2012 at 7:19 pm

It's SO worth it Dawn!


Renata October 16, 2012 at 1:56 am

I know it's too late to enter, but I have to say I am intrigued ~ I know that anticipation is half the fun (there's nothing wrong with planning at times). I'll have to go & check out her site!

So glad things are going well for you ~ God is good & you are one amazing lady!!!


Cheri December 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

My God bless and watch over you all this coming year! May I please get your password. Thank you!


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