I know there are those in the autism community who think if I say “autism sucks” that it implies that somehow I think my son sucks too.
It simply isn’t true.
I love Will will every fiber of my being,
every ounce of my soul,
and anyone who says they don’t believe me is just plain old trying not to see it.
I am 100% certain that it is clear…
Will is my heart.

But,
that said,
it doesn’t mean that I love autism.
Sure, autism can be fascinating and Will views the world in the most amazing way,
a way I would never dream,
examining details that I swear I wouldn’t notice even if someone paid me to look.

But, every once in a while, I just wish he could simply talk to me.
Simply.
Not by pulling my arm.
Not by repeating words to his favorite songs.
Not by reciting entire episodes of  The Backyardigans.
But just by simply saying,” I need this.”

It’s frustrating.
For Will.
For me.
For everyone in the house.
Will’s wants and desires are the same wants and desires of a typical almost 6-year-old but his ability to communicate those to us is not anywhere even close, but rather like an 18 month old toddler.

So Will cries.
A lot.
Not temper tantrums,
but crying out of frustration
and all I can do is join in and cry too.
And pray that some day soon we will get there and autism won’t suck so much.

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