Recently I got into a conversation with a friend about what is and isn’t appropriate to share about your child on a blog or Facebook.
While I do believe in freedom of speech and I think it is absolutely our right to share whatever we please, I personally have always tried to be very careful about remaining as positive as I can where my kids are concerned.
I take the responsibility of sharing about my family with the world very seriously.
I know people tend to find my blog while searching about “adoption”, “large families”, “twins”, “autism”, and “surviving infidelity” and I imagine that those same people want to hear honesty from me but also hear positivity (the negatives we can all fill in ourselves, can’t we? It’s easy to look at a situation and figure out where it could “go wrong”.).
So, what I’m getting at is that my life is very far from perfect,
our family is flawed,
And just because I don’t write about imperfect moments, doesn’t mean that we don’t have them.
My kids fight. A lot.
And I yell at them. Too much.
I get frustrated because they disappoint me sometimes but that’s normal.
And life with autism, on top of that, is frustrating.
But, it’s also a blessing.
It would easy to focus on the negative.
It would be very easy for me to feel sorry for myself if I wanted to.
But, I don’t and won’t allow myself to do that,
not about my kids,
not even on the worst days.
Because I am blessed.
My children are here.
And happily driving me crazy on a daily basis.
And whenever I dare to feel sad, or sorry, or, God forbid, regret,
I remember Tuesday.
And I am thankful,
and find my focus again.
Because all the childhood frustrations in this world can’t ever compare to not getting to experience them at all.
January 30th it will be 4 years since Tuesday went to heaven,
And I can’t imagine how it “gets easier”.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her,
because they were the same age,
born the same month and year,
are a reminder
of all my friend lost to cancer
and no matter how imperfect
my twins are or aren’t*,
they are both here.
And I owe it to Tuesday
to be grateful.
I owe it to Tuesday for showing me that I should take nothing for granted.
Not a single second.
I could focus on unhappiness.
I could focus on imperfections.
I could settle in on a diagnosis and be sad.
But I won’t.
Every moment matters,
even the ones that make me crazy.
But focusing on them
is just silly
because this life is filled with way too many wonderfully happy moments.
I find my focus
And I hope that’s what you take away from me,
that life is a blessing
meant to be celebrated.
*For the record, Will is perfectly made, as God intended.