A Lesson from Tuesday on Saturday

by debi9kids on January 19, 2013

happy guyRecently I got into a conversation with a friend about what is and isn’t appropriate to share about your child on a blog or Facebook.
While I do believe in freedom of speech and I think it is absolutely our right to share whatever we please, I personally have always tried to be very careful about remaining as positive as I can where my kids are concerned.
I take the responsibility of sharing about my family with the world very seriously.

I know people tend to find my blog while searching about “adoption”, “large families”, “twins”, “autism”, and “surviving infidelity” and I imagine that those same people want to hear honesty from me but also hear positivity (the negatives we can all fill in ourselves, can’t we? It’s easy to look at a situation and figure out where it could “go wrong”.).

So, what I’m getting at is that my life is very far from perfect,
our family is flawed,
naturally human.

And just because I don’t write about imperfect moments, doesn’t mean that we don’t have them.

My kids fight. A lot.
And I yell at them. Too much.
I get frustrated because they disappoint me sometimes but that’s normal.

And life with autism, on top of that, is frustrating.
Every day.
But, it’s also a blessing.
Every day.

It would easy to focus on the negative.
It would be very easy for me to feel sorry for myself if I wanted to.
But, I don’t and won’t allow myself to do that,
not about my kids,
not even on the worst days.

Because I am blessed.

My children are here.
And healthy.
And happily driving me crazy on a daily basis.

And whenever I dare to feel sad, or sorry, or, God forbid, regret,
I remember Tuesday.
And I am thankful,
and find my focus again.
Because all the childhood frustrations in this world can’t ever compare to not getting to experience them at all.

January 30th it will be 4 years since Tuesday went to heaven,
four years.
And I can’t imagine how it “gets easier”.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her,
not.one.single.day.

My twins,
because they were the same age,
born the same month and year,
are a reminder
daily
of all my friend lost to cancer
and no matter how imperfect
my twins are or aren’t*,
they are both here.
And I owe it to Tuesday
to be grateful.
And frankly,
I owe it to Tuesday for showing me that I should take nothing for granted.
Not a single second.

I could focus on unhappiness.
I could focus on imperfections.
I could settle in on a diagnosis and be sad.
But I won’t.
And can’t.

Every moment matters,
even the ones that make me crazy.
But focusing on them
is just silly
because this life is filled with way too many wonderfully happy moments.

And so,
I find my focus
daily…
It’s happiness.
And I hope that’s what you take away from me,
that life is a blessing
meant to be celebrated.

*For the record, Will is perfectly made, as God intended.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

cat@jugglingact January 21, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Oh Debi, so true. You are always such an inspiration

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Renata January 24, 2013 at 12:05 pm

This is beautiful Debi & a great reminder to be thankful ( something I need to work on at the moment).

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