Changes are going on around here,
as well as going on inside my home
and, more importantly,
inside my heart and head.
I have been unhappy for a while now and miss writing and frankly I miss myself.
I’ve kind-of been hiding behind the identity of “being Will’s mom” and I haven’t allowed myself to
just be Debi.
I’m a wife.
And a mom.
And for the longest time I couldn’t really describe myself by any other terms.
(and sometimes I’m still not sure what other word I would use to describe who I am aside from “woman”, “sister”, “daughter” or “friend”)
But, after 19 years, it is time I define who Debi is.
And that starts with me owning up to mistakes I’ve made and challenges not met,
and also giving myself credit for things I have done well.
(because frankly, I do find it SO easy to criticize myself and so incredibly difficult to ever pat myself on the back)
So, today I start anew.
I’m starting a diet,
but I will not weigh myself. (I get WAY too caught up in the numbers)
I’m starting a workout.
The 30 Day Shred.
And to be honest, I’m terrified.
(Jillian Michaels is a beast and I know it’s going to be hard, but that’s partly why I chose it.)
I WILL NOT drink anymore when I am alone, not even to help myself sleep.
(I know if I exercise a nice and normal sleep pattern will return and I no longer want to depend on anything to help me fall asleep and stay asleep.)
And I am going to counseling,
not just for my marriage,
but for just me,
to work on me,
because I need it.
I plan on writing more
because I miss it
and because I need to just
I will be honest about my marriage
sometimes privately (IE password protected posts) and sometimes publicly.
And I will no longer define myself based on my kids or my marriage.
Having difficult children does not mean I am a bad mom
and a floundering marriage does not mean I am a failing wife.
It all just means I am a work in progress.