defining myself.

by debi9kids on November 26, 2014

I read a quote yesterday in my Career Development class and it definitely struck me as an “ah-ha moment” –
You act like the person you believe yourself to be.” ~ Lou Tice

How true are those words?

For the longest time in my marriage, Russ would get frustrated with me because I didn’t act “pretty” (IE meaning I didn’t think I was pretty).
Of course, a big part of that was because he was never really good about giving out compliments, even on our wedding day.
I always felt like I had to fish for them…
“Do I look alright?”
“Do I look nice?”
“Does my hair look ok?”

And eventually I got tired of asking and because he never said it on his own I just assumed the worst until eventually he just said the worst.

And I know a big part of that is when you believe yourself to be worthless or ugly,
you ARE worthless or ugly.
And so that’s exactly what he saw.
And in turn, exactly what I saw too.

I have come to realize how difficult it now is to re-program my brain into believing otherwise.
I receive compliments and I automatically assume,
“What do you want/need?”
because I can’t possibly be getting a compliment because I deserve or warrant it.

And it’s really going to take serious time and counseling to change that about myself.
Which kind of sucks because I’m definitely a “get-it-done-yesterday” kind of girl.

So it’s a struggle.
Because most days I still see that worthless face in the mirror and have to force myself to say,
“You aren’t defined by one man. You’re not worthless.”
(FYI Easy to say. Hard to believe.)

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