It’s honestly something I really struggled with.
When Russ and I first separated, I jumped right into dating and had a few first dates (and even a few second & third),
and it was mostly because I was really feeling very vulnerable and unlovable and I guess I needed to know that I was lovable.
And as it turns out, I was.
But as the time has gone by, I have started to come to a very different place and realization…
I am still married.
I still have a husband
(even if he doesn’t want me for a wife).
And until our divorce is signed I can not justify being in any other relationship.
My vows meant something the day I took them and they still mean something today.
I didn’t break my vows
nor do I intend to.
I have 10 children who look to me for examples on how to behave properly
and it is absolutely my intention to set an example that words matter,
that vows do mean something,
and that we should mean what we say and say what we mean.
I can not expect to teach by example if I don’t live honorably
so it is my intention to do so.
I fully understand that I am not the cause of the destruction of our marriage and that the church does not look down on me for wanting to “move on” but I also absolutely understand that, while the divorce is “just a paper for society”, it is also very symbolic for my children.
To them, Russ is not only their dad,
but he is also still my husband.