Graceful Resolve

by debi9kids on December 31, 2016

I’ve never been one to make resolutions.
I will, however, admit that I do try to be better than I was the previous year,
which honestly, isn’t all that hard.
I’m human, after all, and fail miserably at being the person God intends almost daily.
I start out every day with good intentions and usually end each day with an apology to God for one reason or another.

So, I found it interesting that earlier this week when I did one of those silly Facebook name analysis things that the “Word to Define You” for me was GRACE.
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Grace is defined as a virtue coming from God.

No pressure, right?

I’m not sure graceful is a word that’s ever been used to describe me.
Clumsy? Sure.
Maybe even kind or good-natured.
But graceful? Not usually.

You could likely ask all my kids how graceful I was when their father and I separated and they could easily take me down about 30 pegs or so.
Graceful, I was not.

And if I can be honest, I’m still not real graceful where their father is concerned. And I’m not sure I ever will be.

Don’t get me wrong.
I’m over the relationship and have happily moved on.
And in moving on, I’ve realized I was never really in love with my ex and he and I are both better off without one another.

My “bitterness” , aka lack of grace, comes from my disappointment that my divorce isn’t finalized and that my ex is dragging his feet and therefore dragging this on and on.

I’ve finally found the love of my life,
a man who has stood by me through chemotherapy as well as the mess of a long, drawn-out divorce, and I just want to have 2017 be the beginning of our life together.
Without cancer.
Without an ex.

Just happiness.

And so,
Grace…

That’s the word that is meant to define me in 2017.
And while I don’t make resolutions,
I do think I am going to strive to be more graceful
and maybe in doing so,
my life will be more defined by God’s will than my own.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Carol January 4, 2017 at 4:19 pm

I am not one to leave many comments, but dang it, you have every right to feel bitter… i don’t care if the marriage was good or bad, how utterly disrespectful and shameful he felt he was justified to have an affair while you were home taking care of the kids…and then to father a child..his word for the year is SHAMEFUL….I am so happy for you that you have found your prince. Happy New Year!

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debi9kids January 9, 2017 at 9:34 pm

Thank you Carol for understanding where I’m coming from.
Sometimes I feel like I walk a very fine line between being a good Christian and being a bitter ex-wife.

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