I’d love to say I’m always positive,
but the truth is,
I’m definitely not.
There are definitely moments, like tonight,
where for no reason,
I get pre-occupied with “why me?”
Wasn’t it enough to have skin cancer?
Or a cheating ex-husband that I forgave and took back after he got the woman pregnant only to have them cheat again?
Or how about losing not one, but two homes, to bad decisions?
Isn’t it enough!?
I’ve got to have breast cancer too.
Because I can’t do anything in life simple. (Or apparently things that don’t happen in twos)
And then I’m the asshole, aren’t I?
Because I’m alive.
When others lose their loved ones…
I’m still here.
Being an asshole and complaining.
I’m just tired,
of feeling like there’s a target on my back
and feeling like I’m damned if I complain
but feeling like I want to scream if I don’t.
I hate cancer
with every single ounce of my being.
I’m not ok
with any of this
and I feel like if I don’t walk around acting like I’m going to beat it,
And even putting those “words to paper” is terrifying,
like I’m tempting fate.
I don’t want to lose this fight.
And even though there’s this huge part of me that’s certain I won’t die,
there’s still this nagging voice,
that won’t shut the hell up and let me just
Have I said how much I hate cancer?