It’s been a while since I’ve updated.
I had a bit of a set-back where chemo was concerned and it had to be cut short.
I was having trouble tolerating the Taxol and was having really bad neuropathy in my hands and feet and ended up in the hospital twice with SVTS in the high 200’s (I don’t recommend this. The only way to get my heart rate normalized was to be given a drug that shocks the heart back into a normal sinus rhythm. Ouch!).
So, long story short, I’m done chemo.
My official last day was March 27th and it was a very emotional day that I was glad I was able to share with Hugh.
At the end of the final session my nurse handed me a quilt signed by the oncology nurses and then she had me read a poem on the wall.
And then I rang the bell…
It was incredibly emotional,
more than I was expecting.
And instead of being silly and ringing the bell with a goofy smile on my face,
I haven’t cried much since I was diagnosed.
But I did cry ringing that bell.
Cancer is as scary as people make it out to be.
And it creeps into your mind and fears often when you don’t even have it.
When you do have cancer, you do your best to push it out of your mind and not give into the fears,
But it’s always there.
And now that chemo is done, the real fear is present…
When will it return?
Not if, but when?
And I’d love to say those fears aren’t mine, but I’d be lying.
My double mastectomy is scheduled for May 16th and between now and then I’m praying for clean margins,
no rogue cells,
for God to guide my surgeon’s hands,
and for peace of mind.
I’d appreciate your prayers too.