An update

by debi9kids on April 17, 2017

It’s been a while since I’ve updated.
I had a bit of a set-back where chemo was concerned and it had to be cut short.
I was having trouble tolerating the Taxol and was having really bad neuropathy in my hands and feet and ended up in the hospital twice with SVTS in the high 200’s (I don’t recommend this. The only way to get my heart rate normalized was to be given a drug that shocks the heart back into a normal sinus rhythm. Ouch!).

So, long story short, I’m done chemo.
My official last day was March 27th and it was a very emotional day that I was glad I was able to share with Hugh.
At the end of the final session my nurse handed me a quilt signed by the oncology nurses and then she had me read a poem on the wall.
And then I rang the bell…
It was incredibly emotional,
more than I was expecting.
And instead of being silly and ringing the bell with a goofy smile on my face,
I cried.

I haven’t cried much since I was diagnosed.
But I did cry ringing that bell.

Cancer is as scary as people make it out to be.
And it creeps into your mind and fears often when you don’t even have it.
When you do have cancer, you do your best to push it out of your mind and not give into the fears,
But it’s always there.

And now that chemo is done, the real fear is present…
When will it return?
Not if, but when?

And I’d love to say those fears aren’t mine, but I’d be lying.

My double mastectomy is scheduled for May 16th and between now and then I’m praying for clean margins,
no rogue cells,
for God to guide my surgeon’s hands,
and for peace of mind.

I’d appreciate your prayers too.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Aunt Joan April 17, 2017 at 11:04 pm

Prayers are not able to be counted….you are dedicated to the loving, healing grace of Mary and Jesus. I love you Deb. You are in my daily prayers.

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debi9kids April 19, 2017 at 5:54 pm

Thank you Aunt Joan ♡

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Erika April 18, 2017 at 2:28 am

Praying for you!!
Gods Grace..

great song Grace – Gateway worship. on the Walls album.

Erika

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debi9kids April 19, 2017 at 5:55 pm

Thanks for the suggestion, Erika.
I’ll have a listen.

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16blessingsmom April 18, 2017 at 8:45 pm

Debi, you are in my prayers! I have been checking here, wondering and hoping you are okay. It sounds awful, what you’ve been going through. My sister had a double mastecomy a few months ago, and it was hard. She is doing better now, and can make jokes about it now, which is normal for my sister…to joke about EVERYTHING…and I know this was hard for her because it took her a while. I am sorry for your trials, and just want you to know that I am praying for you, and I am glad to see your update…glad you got to ring that bell!!!!

Della

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debi9kids April 19, 2017 at 5:57 pm

Thank you, Della.
Glad your sister is doing well and has found her humor.
I think my sense of humor is the only thing that has seen me through this.

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catjuggles April 20, 2017 at 10:14 am

Lots of love my dear friend! Praying for you

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debi9kids April 24, 2017 at 11:21 pm

Thank you, my friend ♡

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