N.E.D.

by debi9kids on October 11, 2017

No evidence of disease.
You’d think those words would bring me comfort.
They don’t.

Doctors don’t really say, “Remission,” anymore. They say,”NED.”
That’s it.
It pretty much means the same thing, but to me it’s just kind of saying, “There’s no evidence of disease Right Now.”

I was told a strange depression comes over you after you hear those words.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Pretty much describes it.

Triple Negative Breast Cancer is not your “typical” breast cancer.
It’s nastier.
It’s more resistant to chemotherapy.
It’s hormone resistant.
It’s small cells.
And they hide from surgery, and chemo, and radiation and then suddenly reappear just when you’re starting to feel like you’ve defeated cancer for good.

I’m NED.
I pray every day I’ll stay that way.
But I worry every night that I won’t.

I pray the fear goes away as I try to make the most of every day without letting the fear creep too close to the surface.

And maybe
I’ll be one fortunate ones…

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