It’s 1:40am and I’m lying awake waiting for my medication to kick in so I can fall asleep.
But I don’t really sleep anymore,
not without help anyway.
I guess there’s too much running through my mind and I can’t shut it off.
On October 19th I had an ablation done on my heart. My electrophysiologist found two areas of my heart that needed to be repaired and since the procedure my pulse has been normal.
It should be a relief.
Instead, my blood pressure continues to drop with activity and I’m on medication to try to keep that within a functional range.
Over the past month I’ve had a dry annoying cough, which immediately made me paranoid that my cancer was back in my lungs.
My general doctor prescribed cough medicine that should’ve helped.
So, when I showed up in his office complaining about the cough, difficulty breathing, and my BP was 70/22, he sent me to the ER.
I spent 8 hours there with my mom and Hugh having countless tests run.
It isn’t cancer.
It isn’t a blood clot in my lungs.
Again, Thank God.
But when I got up to move around, my O2 levels dropped from 99% to 84.
I was sent home with steroids and an inhaler and told to see my general doctor and a pulminologist as soon as possible.
I talked to my doctor the next day.
He wants to put me on oxygen because he thinks my lungs were damaged by the chemo.
He’s making appointments for a respitory therapist to come to my home…
And called my pulminologist at Fox Chase to consult with him.
I’m supposed to start back to working and instead I feel like I’m in a never ending cycle of bad things happening.
And so I’m awake.
When I should be sleeping.
Feeling very overwhelmed.
And feeling like the words “cancer free” should’ve made me feel better than I actually feel.