There Is SO much guilt associated with cancer…
What did I do to make this happen? Was it my diet? My lifestyle? Where I lived? The stress in my life?
Why not her or him? (And then the guilt of wondering why it shouldn’t be someone else…)
And the worst, why am I cancer free?
Why not my cousin, who is now stage 4?
Why not my friend’s 12-year-old daughter, Gia, who has been fighting Neuroblastoma her entire life?
Why not Tuesday?
As the 30th approaches, I always think of Tuesday. And honestly, it’s not like I don’t think of her daily anyway.
How can I not? I work in the oncology field because of Tuesday…
But, as the day she left this world draws closer, there’s a deep hurt and deep sadness that overwhelms me.
And I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for her family…
And today, this year, I’m left wondering…
Why am I N.E.D?
Why did God take Tuesday and leave me?
I try to tell myself there’s bigger purpose in everything and that sometimes we’re just not meant to understand the answers to these questions until we’re standing in front of God himself.
But sometimes I just think I’m not sure I’ll ever understand…